SPOILERS AHEAD, so proceed with caution, you Mother lovers!
Season Nine, Episode 21: “Gary Blauman”
Written by Kourtney Kang; Directed by Pamela Fryman
In this week’s installment, a character from the show’s sidelines takes center stage as the series continues to build anticipation for the biggest TV wedding event ever (yes, even bigger than the Royal Wedding — or the Red Wedding). Also this week, Future Ted wraps up the storylines for a variety of secondary and tertiary characters who we didn’t even realize needed their stories wrapped up. Does this mean that the final two weeks will be focused solely on the wedding and our five (six?) leads?
Quick Breakdown
Wednesday 8 p.m., three days after the wedding.
The Mother is standing outside her apartment building, awaiting Ted’s arrival. This is their first date after meeting. She is surprised he didn’t wait the full four days before calling, but he tells her with a knowing grin that the rule is three. He takes her to a Scottish-Mexican fusion restaurant, but there is a live mariachi band. They quickly decide to try to find another restaurant, with The Mother saying it should be easy to go somewhere despite not having a reservation. This sparks a story for Ted, and he tells her of Gary Blauman.
As the wedding draws near, Gary Blauman (played by Cobie Smulders’ husband Taran Killim) arrives and gives his greetings to the bride. She awkwardly smiles until he leaves and then freaks out at Marshall right after. (“Code Red!”) She didn’t know that Blauman was attending the wedding, and she needs Marshall to make some seating rearrangements to accommodate him.
Marshall says he’s got it in the bag, but goes immediately to Ted screaming “Code Red!” The seating arrangements are a mess, and Marshall has more to do than just squeeze in Gary Blauman. “Did you say ‘Gary Blauman?’” Ted asks. “I hate that guy.” A few years ago, after reading and loving a Teddy Roosevelt biography, a pretty girl at a party he was throwing was eager to discuss Teddy Roosevelt. Enter Gary Blauman, who was equally excited to discuss Teddy Roosevelt. Soon Ted and Blauman were locked in a battle for the pretty girl’s affection in a standoff that lasted days. “Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have sex or go to sleep?” Ted screams. He has never liked Blauman since then.
“Did you just say ‘Gary Blauman?’” Lily exclaims. “I love that guy!” At a very low moment during her breakup with Marshall, while listening to Sugar Ray on repeat, Lily got a tattoo. She has half a butterfly on her back shoulder that she’s been hiding. Blauman saw her getting the tattoo and dragged her out of the parlor to talk some sense into her, telling her she’ll be back together with Marshall in no time and will be happy not to have that breakup butterfly tattoo (which she reveals was just a small portion of a giant Sugar Ray tattoo she had commissioned).
Ted’s story is interrupted when The Mother sees her ex-almost-fiance on the sidewalk. She and Ted duck behind a car to avoid him. He leaves, but The Mother is a little unsettled. She has Ted walk her home because she thinks it’s too soon to be dating. But she does want to hear the rest of the story.
They take the Blauman issue to Barney who hates Blauman. Barney was eating some fries at the bar, and Blauman took four of his fries. But the egregious thing he did was taking the accidental curly fry. “You take a man’s wife before you take his accidental curly,” Marshall says gravely. Barney refuses to allow Blauman to be at his wedding.
“Did you say ‘Gary Blauman?’” says Billy Zabka upon entering. He loves Blauman because when he ran into him that morning, Blauman recognized him as a poet. Zabka was so thrilled that Blauman knew and loved his poetry. “Gary Blauman?” says James upon entering, “I hate that I once thought I loved Gary Blauman.” Gary is the guy that James had the affair with, thereby ruining his marriage. He does not want Blauman at the wedding either. (Ted gets excited when he learns that Blauman is gay because that means his Teddy standoff was actually the pretty girl and Blauman vying for his affection.)
Marshall takes responsibility for the decision and chooses to allow Blauman to stay. There is a higher law at weddings that trump all else: “When the bride asks for something, she gets it.” Unfortunately, Barney just told off Blauman, so that gang goes to stop Blauman from leaving.
The story is stopped again as Ted and the Mother arrive at her apartment building. They say goodbye, and Ted slowly walks away, hoping that instead of initiating some big confession of love, things will work out. The Mother calls him back, wanting him to finish the story.
In the parking lot, Barney apologizes to Blauman, wanting him to stay. But Blauman is too annoyed with everyone and decides to leave. He calls out James, telling him to take responsibility for his actions and stop blaming him, Blauman, for his marital strife. “Well guys, take a good look, this face you won’t be seeing again!” he says dramatically before driving away. Ted and Barney think Blauman will cool off and they’ll see him again, but Marshall isn’t so certain — he remembers there are plenty who came to his wedding that he liked but hasn’t seen since.
“As the years go by,” Future Ted intones, “you just lose touch” with friends and neighbors and the like. In a sweeping pan, Future Ted tells us what became of some of the memorable characters in the series: Carl is still bartending at McLaren’s, with a son following in his footsteps; Jeanette was arrested for her stalker tendencies and forced to seek psychological counseling and fell in love with her counselor, Kevin; Ranjit made some good stock picks and now owns his limo service; Patrice has her own morning radio show (and we get to hear Robin yell, “Dammit, Patrice!” one last time); Zabka became the youngest poet to receive the American Humanities medal for Literature; Zoe continues to protest various causes; Scooter (played by Neil Patrick Harris’ partner David Burtka) is now married to Jasmine, Lily’s doppelganger; Blitz continued to struggle with his gambling addiction, but finally sought help (He’s not sure what happened to Blah-Blah, but he does suddenly remember that her name is Carol); Sandy Rivers’ (played by Alexis Denisof, Alyson Hannigan’s husband) inappropriate behavior got him banned from American TV (He now does the news in Russia); James repaired his marriage with Tom. As for Blauman, he drives right back to everyone and forgives them for being jerks.
Ted and The Mother say goodnight. And then they kiss (for the first time?!). She suggests they continue to walk around. But aren’t they hungry?
Rating
B+
Out of context, this episode would be sheer fun, servicing nostalgia for longtime HIMYM fans. Sadly, it’s just another stall tactic as the series treads water to its finale. Sure, it’s great to see where everyone else ends up with their lives, but wouldn’t it be better to finally see Robin walk down the aisle? How great, though, to see all of the casts’ real life spouses make final appearances.
Now for some random thoughts and my favorite moments of the night…
Barney to Ted when he won’t shut up about Teddy Roosevelt: “I don’t like the person you become when you read books.”
Ted’s last fun fact about Teddy Roosevelt: “He went blind in one eye…from getting hit too hard in a boxing match…while he was President!”
Ted, Marshall, and Barney all agree that regular cut fries with just a couple accidental curlies is “the dream.”
James, to his kids, after reconciling his marriage to Tom: “Kids, did I ever tell you how I met your father? It was at a party.”
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