When I first introduced Newman’s hilariously idiotic Short People — possibly his most famous, commercially successful song to not appear in a children’s film — to my friends, they didn’t believe it was real. They thought it was some novelty song I dug up somewhere on Limewire, or a piece of treasure found amid the cluttered attic that is YouTube attic.
Alas, no, Short People is a real song with real lyrics that go like this:
Short people got no reason to live
They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin’ great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
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Ladies and gentlemen, Randy Newman, winner of numerous Oscars, Emmys, and Grammys, apparently despises the “nasty little feet” and compulsive lying of people below a certain height. Although the song was written in jest, controversy surrounded Short People. Newman never defended his song without draping it in a strong hint of irony. “I hate short people, it’s true,” he said. “The reason I don’t say anything is because the record label’s afraid I’ll tell people what I really think.”
Brilliant counterattack or slackjawed mutter? We may never know.
7 Responses
I love this fucking column…write more for HT, Eliot. But I’ll say this much: Randy was dead on. Short people do, in fact, have no reason to live.
how tall is Randy Newman? I mean, think about it.. he’s usually sitting down at a piano when you see him on film…
Man, what kind of fucking power do you have? Not 5 seconds after I finished reading this article, my 6000 song ITunes shuffled to “mama told me not to come.” Please, don’t hurt me!
I love Randy Newman.
Call me a cornball but I adore “Love To See You Smile.”
Nice stuff! Thanks. I can’t believe “I Love LA” was never brought up though. WE LOVE IT! Have you all heardmy favorite of his, the song ‘Baltimore’ which Nina Simone and the Tamlins have famously covered? If not, I’ll post it! I actually knew the Tamlins version first.
Randy newman sounds kinda retarded when he sings