Uncensored Thursdays: Buy a Gerbil Car

It’s time once again to check in with irreverent mind behind Uncensored Interview’s blog The Shark for another installment of Uncensored Thursdays…

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Preston from Wild Sweet Orange is right – it’s imperative that we start treating the Earth better. Building strip malls on marshland in New Orleans is like ringing your neighbor’s doorbell just to kick him in the balls, then make a sandwich in his kitchen, using the last ounce of mayo. That’s why I’ve decided to do something about the environment today, instead of sitting around complaining about things like I usually do. That’s right, yours truly The Shark is going to put his words into action for once, and use his highly advanced mind to invent something not only positive for the environment, but to once and for all end this country’s evil dependence on oil. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, THE GERBILCAR:

The GerbilCar is the next generation in hybrids – literally. Combining the awesome potential of a twin cylinder, V6 engine with the organic power of adorable live gerbil, the XG1 produces little to no emissions (which can be cleaned up with a paper towel) as it revs from 0 – 60 in about 2 and a half hours flat. And because this fine piece of American engineering is completely powered by rodents, you won’t ever have to be a slave to the pump again. You can laugh as you pass gas stations filled with oil-addicted motorists as they begrudgingly fill their gas-guzzlers at $4.50 a gallon, while you head on over to the pet store to fill your car up on the cheap. A 4-pound bag of Gerbil feed goes for a mere $3.72! And with a 32MPG rating (that’s Miles Per Gerbil), that means you won’t have to refill for weeks! And if you experience tire trouble (aka a “stuck” gerbil aka a dead gerbil), you won’t have to break open the bank to purchase new wheels – new gerbils are available at fine pet stores starting at $10. Or you could just win some at a fair.

Now granted, the energy produced by 4 medium-sized gerbils running around a wheel is just adequate enough to run a car engine, so amenities like air conditioning, power steering, power windows, and satellite-Radio and GPS navigation are unavailable in the GerbilCar.

UNTIL NOVEMBER

That’s when we roll out the XGS-1: Steroid Edition…

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