‘Captain America: Civil War’: That Trailer Was Lame. For Real.

This week we were treated to the first trailer for Captain America: Civil War. We will finally get to see the epic conflict that will threaten to tear apart cinema’s most beloved band of superheroes. Most notably, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers will come to blows over a disagreement about superhuman registration. That much we know. However, this schism, in the comic book version of the story, rippled throughout the entire Marvel universe and had drastic and lasting impacts on nearly every aspect of their world.

So why is the trailer so boring? I want, as many of us do, to have been wowed, impressed, or at least . . . interested. While I do have faith, true believers, that we will be getting an astounding end product, I can’t help but notice that the first glimpse we’ve been given leaves a lot to be desired.

NO SPIDERMAN.

Let’s take care of the obvious problem first. Spiderman is a big damn deal. Marvel fans have been clamoring tp have the wall-crawler swing into action alongside Cap and Iron Man for years. And yet, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman is conspicuously absent from the first trailer that could show him off. It’s almost like Marvel has made so much money with the MCU that they’ve developed an allergy to the stuff. Simply showing his face is the quickest and simplest way to put asses in seats. Even the worst Spiderman movie almost out earned the best Captain America film, so we’ve obviously made our preference known.

However, just so this isn’t just a numbers game: Spiderman is pivotal to the events in the Civil War comic. His on-again, off-again relationship with both sides of the struggle puts a truly dynamic face to a sticky issue. Of all of the major shakeups that Civil War caused in the Marvel universe, Peter Parker going public is by far the most groundbreaking.

The trouble is. . . they know we’ll wait for it. The bastards.

Pictured: Tom Holland as Spider-Man
Pictured: Tom Holland as Spider-Man

S.H.I.E.L.D. IS M.I.A.

Government backing, check. Espionage, check. Keeping tabs on “gifted” humans, check. Military style operations, check. Polarizing practices, check. Everything this trailer promises sounds like what S.H.I.E.L.D would describe as its ideal match on their OKCupid profile, so where the hell are they? Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has certainly flirted with ideas exactly like the premise of Civil War from the start, and even seems to be setting it up this season, but now it appears they aren’t even going to get to seal the deal.

Phil “His First Name Is Agent” Coulson has spent five movies and three seasons becoming a major player in the MCU, rubbing elbows with all the greats. Now that S.H.I.E.L.D. has more of a reason than ever to show up, someone forgot to call Clark Gregg, apparently?! Maria Hill even plays an integral role, and last I checked Cobie Smulders isn’t exactly swamped with projects. The fans should be given the notion that they weren’t wasting time watching AoS just to get from one movie to the next.

Wanted: Nick Fury and Agent Coulson. For Suspicion of Being Total Badasses.
Wanted: Nick Fury and Agent Coulson. For Suspicion of Being Total Badasses.

BLACK PANTHER’S HALF SECOND APPEARANCE

“Ok, so we’re about ready to give Black Panther his own movie in phase 3, but how about we build some hype for him by introducing him in Civil War?”

“Great idea! How will we get audiences stoked about his involvement in the movie, though?”

“I got just the thing! We show him for no more than a whole second in the trailer!”

“BRILLIANT! Run it.”

-Dumbass Marvel Execs, probably

By the time you read this, you'll have seen Black Panther more than you did in the trailer.
By the time you read this, you’ll have seen Black Panther more than you did in the trailer.

WE DON’T SEE WHAT CAUSED THE SUDDEN CHANGE

“The Battle For New York” leveled most of the city, and Ultron literally took an entire city off the map at least temporarily. And while it has been acknowledged in the films and TV shows so far, it’s largely treated with a, “Dude, that was pretty crazy, huh? Moving on.” So if the bigwigs have their knickers in a twist, something particularly hair has to have happened. The final straw in the graphic novel upped the ante by completely nuking a city in Connecticut, obliterating an elementary school and dozens of suburban blocks. Whatever caused the government to flip out so hard on the people who’ve saved their asses repeatedly deserves a little screen time, or at least a little hint. Civil War should be a storyline where one can argue for both sides, but without having any catalyst, it just seems like the powers that be are just being pricks. Again.

TONY STARK HATES GOVERNMENT REGULATION

Tony Stark’s libertarianism is enough to make Ron Paul uncomfortable. This is a dude who spent three movies claiming proprietary rights to his technology that we have seen time and time again anybody can use. He bows up to the friggin’ entire military when they try to jack him for his suits. Suddenly, now, we see him lecturing the living embodiment of patriotism about why it’s a good thing to surrender liberties? If they had played up Tony’s raging alcoholism a bit more in the earlier films, this might play, but the trailer doesn’t really give any explanation for such a complete 180.

THERE ARE ALMOST NO SUPERPOWERS

Let’s see if I’ve got this straight: To advertise the largest roster of superheroes ever assembled in one film, they give us all of the least “super” among them? Sure, Scarlet Witch is shown doing . . . nothing exciting at all, but aside from that, all we see are half a dozen dudes with cool suits or weapons. If Ant-Man even made an appearance, he was certainly committing to the “Ant” part of his name. Vision, who can do approximately all the things, is nowhere to be found. In a universe that shocked us all by making us fall in love with a talking raccoon and tree, you’d think they’d be okay with allowing us to suspend disbelief, or make us at least think that Civil War wasn’t just a slightly more bonkers version of The Expendables.

NO REAL VILLAINS ARE SHOWN

Look, I get that the charm of Civil War is seeing the good guys square off against one another (and mean it this time!), but the issue in the comic book series ran way deeper than that. Not only did our heroes have it out, they took it a step further and even accepted help from the odd supervillain. While it is confirmed that Crossbones and Baron Zemo are to make appearances, their role in the film is not even whispered in the trailer. After all, what’s a Superhero movie without a good villain?! Oh, right. Captain America: Winter Soldier. Which brings us to…

TOO MUCH FOCUS ON BUCKY

Cap, buddy, you’re gonna have to calm it down. Bucky Barnes was your best bro and all, and sure, he was even a sub-titular villain, but no one really cares, dude. While it’s nice to know they are trying to keep Cap’s films on an arc outside of the Avengers, Bucky is simply another in a long line of (let’s face it) underwhelming MCU villains. If (fine, when) I go to see Civil War, it sure isn’t going to be because the Winter Soldier is in it. If they want their next trailer to really draw audiences and give the fans something look forward to, they should pass the Buck.

Pictured: Boring
Pictured: Boring

Captain America: Civil War opens everywhere on May 6, 2016.

Related Content

10 Responses

  1. This article is really lame. Your points are really stupid. Do some research first plus you sound like a DC fanboy.

  2. All three Cap films have been about Cap and Bucky. They are really the Ballad of Steve and Bucky with other plots threaded through them. Their relationship has been the core of the first two movies and will no doubt be the core of the third.

  3. I’m no Marvel drone but… either you have the attention span of a five year old or you’re out to rustle fanboy jimmies. This is the first frickin’ trailer, okay. The first of probably dozens of mini teasers and trailers. Of course they know Spiderman and BP are hype so they’re saving them for later, otherwise the hype dies down before May gets here. Same goes for the villain(s) and superpowers. SHIELD? They have their own show to develop stuff. And as for Tony siding with the government, it was implied his parents were killed by Bucky in Winter Soldier during Zola’s archive scene. Again, they’re letting this build because they have SIX months.

    tl;dr You need to get your facts straight before writing up a piece.

  4. Check again. Cobie Smulders is co-starring in a movie with Tom Cruise. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back has been shooting in New Orleans for the past few weeks, and will continue to shoot for the next few. So Cobie is quite busy at the moment. But I do agree that Maria Hill should be featured in Civil War. She had a really important role in this particular story line. Cobie should’ve been asked to be in this film, no question.

  5. My questions for this movie…
    1) Why aren’t the New Warriors in it? They were th prime reason the superhero revelation act was admitted by the government.
    and Why is the Black Panther seem to be portrayed as pro for the SHRA? In the comic he’s was against it.
    3) Where is every marvel superher?
    In the series, they featured almost every marvel hero known to man. With what they shown us so far, one can only hope to see a big fight between Cap’s gang and Tony’s gang.
    4) Will Ms. Marvel and the Fantastic Four appear in this movie? If they don’t, and I’m sorry for saying this, I will lose all faith in this and every other movie they make.
    And lastly..
    5) Is Peter Parker going to side with Tony Stark and then go to cap or just join cap off the back? Again, if they switch it up and do it from a different perspective, I will lose respect for the movie and franchise.
    DON’T MESS THIS UP MARVEL/DISNEY!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts

New to Glide

Keep up-to-date with Glide

Twitter