Darkman

Woke to the same thought that led me to dreaming, "Where?" Hadn’t seen her for days. Now alone the mystery is killing me, surprised I could even sleep. This unknowing is really creeping in, don’t know what will come first, tears or insanity.

Problem is I know she’s gone. Don’t mean know like a paranoid feeling either, I really know. It was all good when she left, about as good as anything could ever be, but that is just like her. She came to me on a whim; not really considering who I was or who she was herself. She just looked into my eyes and decided she would be with me. Nothing like that ever happened to me before, see this girl that I know I love before I even know her name, and as soon as she looks at me she feels the same. God, it was astonishing. Ravished my heart is what she did, and now she is gone as quick as she came.

Actually it doesn’t feel that quick. After four days of pure, uninterrupted utopia these last two days of solitude feel like forever. Even that time together that seemed to be eternal at the time has collapsed in on itself, leaving me with nothing more than compact, beautiful, painful memory. Hard to believe it even happened to begin with.

So what is one to do when faced with perfect love and then dropped right back into reality? God is humorless.

A knock on the door! My God, she actually came back. How could I have doubted something so real? How could I think she would not come back after our souls were laid so bare? Get a hold of yourself, control. All right now... deep breath... open the door (don’t forget to smile.)

Shit! What sort of confusion is this? A blue uniform and badge, eyes piercing me suspiciously. "Can I help you, officer?" My God, did I speak?

"We found your car abandoned. It wasn’t reported stolen, so we were wondering how it came to be parked on the beach."

My car? The beach? Yes, she took the car, but you tend to forget such things when you don’t care. On the beach? So she went to the beach. Car abandoned? My God, where is she? Is she alive, well, breathing? How could such beauty ever die?

"Is she OK, officer?"

"Car’s fine except for some sand, the top was left down, so..."

"No, I mean..." (don’t interrupt a talking cop, you idiot) "...the girl, the girl who took the car."

"I don’t know of any girl. All we found was the car. Did she steal it, this girl?"

God no, all she stole was my fear, at least for a while.

Blankly staring at a cop, not good. He must think I’m some dope fiend, lost my mind and then my car, something like that. Say something, putz!

"Where is my car now?"

"Come on down to the station when you want to pick it up."

I hate that look, the one only cops can give, that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you-I-should-bust-you-right-now-for-being-a-jackass look. Like the uniform makes them feel like God or something. Yeah, that’s right blue man, just walk away with your tripped out ego and leave me to my misery.

My love turned into a stolen car, feel like I’m trapped in some fucking country music shitstorm. But what the hell did she do with herself? Running outside, bolting toward the police car, do I want to get shot or something?

"Where exactly did you find it?"

"About ten miles north on the beach, just this side of the dunes."

Near the dunes. Where we met, right near the dunes. God, talk about irony. No, more like a game. Give it all up, she told me, forget it, let’s just be us with no worry of the rest. Like God’s original creatures, no possessions or material or ties, just us, Eden.

Walking quickly down the beach. What do I expect? For everything to happen just like the first time? Amazing how tempting impossibilities can be. Forget it, get used to how it, only one shot in a lifetime at something like that. Never was much for frivolous belief in happiness anyway.

That must be it, tire tracks in the sand, dunes rising up to meet the sky. God, I love the beach – sand, sun, surf, salt – or maybe just the letter S. Hard to tell what love is right now. Lie down right where the car was stranded, like me. This was the first and last place our lives overlapped. Think I’ll just stay here and wait for nothingness, fade back to sleep until God comes for me.

Wake to the same thought that led me to dreaming. "Why?" Slowly open my eyes to a silhouette blocking the sun. God come down to take me from the pain. God leans down, can feel breath upon my face, lips kissing my lips, but still see no more than a shadow. "My God" muttered inadvertently outloud, replied to by the light laughter of my love.

"I’ve been waiting for you," God says with a smile in her voice, "come with me."

I give my hand to God and she pulls me up, back into the life of my love, forgetting all those things that I was told were forgettable.

God has touched my heart and love has set me free.