Great Artists / Bad Album Covers

The comic book makeup on Kiss’ Destroyer, the “name that person” collage of Sgt. Pepper’s, even the “cool” Michael Jackson Thriller pose - like a first kiss, those early cherished albums hold a permanent place in our minds. Whether it’s a proud Beatles album or a now shameful King of Pop release, whatever the case or cover, it’s the artwork – good or bad - that makes its first impression before the music even plays.

Sure, in the history of music, there have been countless bad album covers. Orleans' Waking and Dreaming might be the worst of all, but aside from their hit, “Still the One,” and being neglected to Burger King commercials, Orleans has become about as oblivious as Hootie. Bad covers by bad bands is too easy. So why not look at some covers from artists that actually “don’t suck” and find their most embarrassing cover moments. These artists that we call “proud” probably look back at these not so shining moments like a senior prom florescent bowtie and cummerbund. Only difference is you can burn those pictures. These will be on the shelves forever.

Black Sabbath - Born Again

Is this a baby goblin or what Jack Osbourne should have looked like after Ozzy's notorious self inflicted substance abuse in the 70's? It is Sabbath, so anything goes, but this creature isn’t even frightening. Might work as a jean jacket iron-on at the mall, but not an album cover.

Crosby Stills Nash – Live It Up

When they got to this point in their creative lives, its no wonder that CSN was about as relevant as Donnie Osmond in the 80’s. Seems these power hippies were suffering from an identity crises, or its some subliminal message pushing for mini-Crosby donations.

Grateful Dead - Go To Heaven

For a band that never quite perfected the studio album, its not surprising their post-psychedelic cover art would end up on this list. The Grateful Dead dressing up in white suits is about as peculiar as GG Allin teaching Sunday School. But it was the last days of disco, and based on this photo shoot, it looks like Jerry and the boys closed out the decade with an all-nighter at Studio 54. Unfortunately, the record isn’t much better. When was the last time you cranked “Easy to Love You” in the parking lot?

Leo Kottke – Greenhouse

Sponsored by Burpee Seeds, the acoustic guitar legend puts out his first album from The Shire. Should have called this My Precious. Too bad this didn’t come out in the 90’s, at least he could have called it, “hydroponic.”

Iggy Pop –Party

This is the godfather of punk? The man who sang such scarred anthems as “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” “Search And Destroy,” “Raw Power” and “Gimme Danger?” Looks more like a Debbie Gibson poster at Sam Goody. Wonder if he’ll get a nose job and pose for Playgirl.

Prince – Dirty Mind

Prince is a genius, but honestly, what straight male can walk up to the counter and buy this without fumbling for change? “Um, this CD and a pack of Marlboro Reds please.”

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Freaky Styley

At least now I know where they get those visual intros for That 70s Show. This is a collage that makes these former needle pushers look like a bunch of Zima pullers. If you’re really looking to test your Chili Pepper trivia, that most certainly is Flea dressed up as a superhero, which might actually be more disturbing than seeing him in just a white tubesock.

Rolling Stones – Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out!

The worst part about this shot, aside from the obvious, is the mental cruelty inflicted on that poor donkey. At least the ABBA stunt double on the right had a choice…the donkey just looks humiliated. Poor Eyore, when his owner heard about being on a Rolling Stone’s cover, this is not what he envisioned.

Neil Young - American Stars N Bars

It took an eternity for this 1976 gem to be re-released on CD, but the cover work, drawn by hippie friend, actor and wanna be artist Dean Stockwell is about as memorable as one of his Quantum Leap episodes. A shit-faced Young is face down on a glass table looking like he got smacked by a bottle of Canadian Whiskey. His nose on the other hand, looks like it was smacked by something Columbian.

Do you have an album cover from a good artist that you feel is shameful. Share it with us and maybe we’ll post it for all to see at reviews@glidemagazine.com