Our friends Rupert & Stan from the Ghost of Wayne Fontes blog are back for their regular Thursday high colonic, and they’re pickin’ on Trey’s buddy…

It’s another Thursday and thus another opportunity for the scrubs from the sports blog to bring some 7th-grade reading level humor to the HT. This is another one from our bag of tricks where we highlight what’s playing on the iPods of some of our favorite personalities. We’re starting off with an easy one, Dave Matthews. Love him or hate him, he provides endless comedic material. So without further ado, here’s what’s making the rounds on Dave Matthews’ iPod.

I Wanna Pee on You — Dave Chapelle/R. Kelly: It’s hard to decide if the infamous bus incident is the a) greatest practical joke in the history of rock bands; b) a boldface, egregious lie; or c) just fucking gross. If you never caught wind of this (sorry, we’re feelin’ it today), the DMB bus driver emptied 800 pounds of the band’s road bowels onto a tour boat in Chicago. The bridges in Chicago are grated and completely transparent, so it’s unfathomable to think they couldn’t see a boat passing by below. Thus, we guess it’s all of the above. Anyway, if you want to visualize this incident in a horribly, terribly awful amount of detail, read this.

Read on after the jump for eight more songs on Daveyboy’s iPod…

Man Overboard — Eric Clapton: Like most jammy jam fans, we drank the Kool-Aid back around 1993 and then jumped off the fucking boat and swam away fast as possible after some putrid shows in or around ’95. Every year or so, there’s always the curiosity to check back in and see how things are going and revisit the old stuff that used to hit the spot. You know what happens every single time? The crowd fucking claps during every song. My lord, there’s a drummer. We can all hear the beat just fine. Please, for the love of the Conquering Lion of the Great Tribe of Judah, please stop the clapping.

If I Could — Phish: Many a fan of the noodle has wondered why Dave Matthews chose a life of frat guys and hip school preppies — he started off with so much promise opening for the GD and winning over a more sophisticated musical fanbase. One hypothesis is that he sucks and can’t play a guitar solo, let alone hang in on the frequent collaborative improvisations inherent in the jamband scene. Um, that’s just a hypothesis though.

Don’t Leave Me — Green Day: After a brief case of the wandering eye — recording such turds, I mean side projects, as “Some Devil” — Matthews has come full circle, playing this anthem to the man whose name should be on the cover of all the albums, Carter Beauford. Dave knows his slammin’ dance moves, Landon Donovan good looks and catchy hit singles are indeed a key to the bands’ success, but make no mistake, he also knows he’s damn lucky to be included in any discussion of “Who are best four musicians in the band?”

Good Evening Mr. Waldheim — Lou Reed: “A sound that shakes, Oh, you must watch the sounds you make.” We just spent 15 minutes trying to phonetically reproduce Dave’s man groans that follow most of his sentences. Here’s what I came up with: I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A PLEASANT EVENING, UHOUNGH.

The Safety Dance — Men Without Hats: (See above: slammin’ dance moves) Dave Matthews’ safety dance consists of repeated knee lifts performed with marching band rigidity combined with some ’50s sock hop feet twisting, all in unison. Throw in some motivated head nods and epileptic seizure-inspired guitar strumming and you’re serving up some Dave Matthews soul stew.

Waste — DMB?: Dave likes the song so much, he sings it himself. Technically speaking, if the boys from The Phish weren’t his buddies, Dave probably would’ve slashed their throats and told everyone he wrote this little ballad.

Until We Rich — Krayzie Bone and Ice Cube: “We can spend huns. Wipe our ass with twenties, light our joints with ones. Have nothin’ but fun.” It’s time to consider Dave the Brian Bosworth of the music world. The guy is not huge, multi-dimensional, and rich. OK, we sincerely doubt the Boz is rich, but you get the idea. One minute he is playing sold-out shows at sold-out stadiums, the next he’s guest starring as an idiot savant laid up in a hospital bed on House. “The world is yours. Yeah, young thug, the world is yours.”

Angeline — Louis Prima: “I’d eat antipasto twice, just because (s)he is so nice.” OK, we confess; this is just a blatantly poor attempt to squeeze a YouTube clip with Trey into the post.

That’s all for now. We’ll be back next week — in the meantime, add your own in the comments or shoot us an email at waynefontesghost@gmail.com.