The String Cheese Incident will head to Red Rocks on August 12th to play its last show for the foreseeable future, ending a 14-year career of inconsistency, tepid jamming, sunshine and rainbows. We’d like to bid a fond farewell to the band with this list of the Top 10 Things We’ll Miss About String Cheese Incident, though we have a hunch they’ll be back in a year when Zilla draws shit crowds and Keller Williams finally agrees to front the band. ‘Til then, we’ll surely miss the following…

10. Looking forward to Hepatitis A outbreaks and Group Hoots

9. Hearing a concert referred to as an “Incident” without even a hint of irony

8. Tinyguitar player Michael Kang’s keen fashion sense:

Read on for the remaining seven things we’ll miss most about SCI…

7. Smelling guitarist Bill Nershi’s bare feet when we ride the rail, brah

6. The phrases they’ve added to our vocabulary: Kangfirmed and Nersh’d

5. The headiest jam names in the scene — where will we go to see Inspiration Jam, Initiation Jam, Expression Jam, Evolution Jam and Synergy Jam?

4. Hula Hoops, motherfuckers!

3. Who else is gonna be a punching bag for an entire scene?

2. Did we mention Kang’s fashion sense?

1. And as our friend BG points out: Being reminded that we should thank God every single fucking day that we’ve never seen the gay porno that undoubtedly spawned the name String Cheese Incident

Thanks to the good people over at Team HLA for their help with this one. Thankfully we won’t have to wait long for these guys to throw out more mediocre music and horrible band names: Honkytonk Homeslice, Zilla, Eoto, and Elastic Mystic will keep the dream alive. We’ll see ya when you run out of money…