Uncensored Thursdays: Get A Job
Let’s check in with the irreverent mind behind Uncensored Interview’s blog, The Shark, for another installment of Uncensored Thursdays…
Never before in most of our lifetimes has the need to maintain employment been so dire. People are literally clinging onto their jobs for dear life, hoping the bloody recession axe slices just above their heads and takes out some other unfortunate douchebag.
I was walking by the unemployment office the other day when I noticed three hookers and a coke dealer waiting in line. You know things are bad when hookers are being laid off! Now who will suck the dicks of all of those greedy, coked-up Wall Street execs who piloted their companies into the ground? Certainly not their wives! It’s a sad, sad situation for America.
Last month I propositioned that being Indie means having a crappy job, but what is an indie kid to do when employment is unavailable at even the crappiest of crappy jobs? Even in a recession, bills still have to be paid, debt still has to be taken care of and new tight pants and newspaper-boy hats have to be purchased:
READ ON for the rest of this week’s Uncensored Thursdays…
Luckily, U.S. News & World Report just posted a list of the 30 Best Careers For 2009. Surprisingly, “Vagrant” isn’t on there (I’m assuming it just missed the cut at #31). Also surprising–I have a problem with the list. Now I won’t waste your time and go through every single selection, but I will highlight some of my favorites:
- Clergy – Wait, being a priest is suddenly a career? I was always under the impression that it was a calling for the spiritually enlightened and crafty pedophiles. No one goes into the clergy thinking “ca-ching! A few years of this and I’ll be set.” The pay is crappy, you can’t have sex, you’re always on call and just about the only fringe benefits are unmitigated access to children and free wine.
- Ghostwriter – Wow, writing an entire book for someone and not getting any credit whatsoever for your hard work? Where do I sign up? I really wish this said “Ghostrider” instead of “Ghostwriter,” because riding a motorcycle with a flaming skull for a head and beating the shit out of people would be a fucking bad-ass career.
- Health Policy Specialist – In other words, the heartless asshole who tells a cancer patient their treatment won’t be covered by their insurance. This shouldn’t be a stretch for anyone recently fired from advertising or Wall Street.
- Registered Nurse – Glad to hear hospitals are now hiring registered nurses after all of those illegal, unregistered nurses didn’t work out.
- Politician/Elected Official – I hear Illinois might have a few openings soon. And keep an eye on that Ted Kennedy too.
- Usability Experience Specialist – This is one of those uptitled terms like “horticultural maintenance officer” or “janitorial engineer” that douchebag execs invented to make mundane jobs sound important. It’s fancy way of saying “product tester” or “human guinea pig.”
