What’s Next? The Amy Winehouse Free Fall?
The familiar winds of nostalgia are blowing toward Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Baby boomers and hip, young parents can take the family to the Hard Rock Park, the world’s first rock and/or roll theme park scheduled to open next May. The main attraction? Led Zeppelin: The Ride. I’m nauseous already.
The New York Times reports the park will also feature a “Midnight Rider,” dedicated to Southern rock, and a “Pinball Wizard” arcade. Clever girls! But what else would you like to see in this trite amusement park?
We think there’s gotta be some room for a Guns ‘N Roses Chinese Democracy Ride, which is just a never ending line that leads nowhere. All teenage girls entering the park will be given free access to the Akon Dry Humper. Early reviews of the exciting new Aerosmith ride all say it goes on way too long and “really sucks balls” towards the end. The Neil Young Crazy Horse probably costs twice as much as the other rides. And there’s no word on whether the park will wait 30 years and re-name the Led Zeppelin ride “Wolfmother: The Ride.”
Slade Sohmer
In 2006 Slade Sohmer founded Hidden Track along with current EiC Scott Bernstein. Slade ran the site until 2008, establishing a scope of coverage and level of professionalism that still exists today. In 2010 Sohmer founded HyperVocal with Lee Brenner and the "purveyors of the vital and viral" have gone on to create a network of highly acclaimed sites that includes Headlines That Suck, Weeping Elvis, Distriction and Spike The Water Cooler.
Follow Me:
How about a Ramones “I wanna be sedated” opium den ride?
That would rule.
The Roots’ ride will be overrated.
Ryan Adams’ ends abruptly about 3/4 of the way through.
Visit The Jerry Lee Lewis Family Chapel. Get 30% off any marriage service when you can prove your related.
La Bamba your way to Buddy Holly’s Big Bopper plane adventure to get a bird’s eye view of the theme park. Not to be confused with our Lynyrd Skynyrd pyrotechnics show.
The physical trauma of the James Brown Smack Dat Bitch Up Experience pales in comparison to the emotional disaster that is the Emo Playhouse, which if I understand it right, is just a dark room where everyone feels sorry for themselves despite fairly privileged upbringings — no scissors allowed.
Speaking of Chinese Democracy…2007 release?
http://www.ireland.com/theticket/articles/2007/0824/1187332415858.html
How bout the Trey Anistasio ride? It’s a go kart track where everyone gets bottles of prescription drugs prescribed to someone else before driving.
[...] So what’s next for the first RnR Park? Amy Winehouse Free Fall ride? [...]